Random Training Advice Part 1: The First Part

I usually put a lot of thought into my posts. The typical process involves coming up with ideas, writing some stuff down, doing some research, hysterical crying when I can’t find research that agrees with my personal opinions, and then being so frusterated that I clench my teeth so hard that the bending force of my jaw muscles causes osteoblasts to form new teeth bones until I am spitting out bone with the frequency of a popcorn machine.

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It never ends.

Well, I have thrown all that shit out the window for this entire post. This is going to be more of a random stream of thought on, well, any damn thing I want to talk about.

Well, to kick things off, I just searched “fitness murder” in google and an actual story about a personal trainer from an L.A. Fitness who killed two people and stole over $60,000 in jewelry popped up. I don’t mean to be insensitive, but why on Earth were these people just walking around with 60 grand in jewelry without a gun… or without being inside an Abrams tank. http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/2013-02-15/news/fl-personal-trainer-20130215_1_personal-trainer-traffic-cameras-deputies

The first time I ever did a tabata interval, I did 115lb power snatches and jumped rope. After I got through the first two rounds, I thought tabatas were just another stupid trendy fitness thing. By the end of the fourth round, my ankles and wrists felt like the friction under my skin was going to cause a fire. After I finished the 8th and final round, I blacked out for a little while. When I came to, my soul had left my body and just finished going through my gym bag for the cash in my wallet and any loose change it could find. It looked right into my eyes and said “You did this to yourself.” It walked out of the gym, slashed one of my tires, and walked off into the sunset. I havent’t seen it since.

Regular gym goers could really benefit from more intensity in their workouts. I have worked in a lot of commercial fitness disasters in my time. The percentage of people that come in and do the same things, for the same amount of time, with the same level of effort, and usually look exactly the same as when they bought a memebrship/stay the same for the entire scope of their recreational fitness career, is about 99.9999999999999999999%. It is almost like some of these people are aversed to physical stress. Which is understandable. Exercising to the point of a near mini stroke is not that appealing. But, the largest factor in whether or not what you are doing in the gym is going to work for your goals is intensity. Want to look good? Do heavy, full body, barbell complexes 5 days a week. Want to get stronger? Work on your ability to strain under heavy weights. This will build coordination and, in turn, raise the amount of weight you can lift. Want to get bigger? Do a revolving combination of both of my previous suggestions for 10 years straight and eat 10,000 calories a day. You will be too big to live on this planet.

Squats versus jogging. Which is better for you? Here is an easy self-test:

-Jog for 10 straight minutes. Note your bodies response.

Then:

-Perform Squats for 10 minutes straight. Get your credit card ready because none of your current pants will have the structural integrity to tame your new set of screaming quads.

Consistancy and the abilty to out work your competition will always beat genetics… sometimes it just takes a really, really long time.

Throughout the majority of time us humans have been on Earth, we have been hunter/gatherers. The typical day for our neandrathal, hill mongering ancestors was something to the extent of:

-Wake up

-Gather a hunting party

-Find a wooly mammoth

-Kill said mammoth with spears and bear hands

-Drag carcas back to village

-Feed village

-Sleep

This lifestyle engrained some deep seeded biological timing mechanisms in our bodies that still hold true today. Circadian cycles cause our insulin (anabolic storage hormone) to be at it’s lowest and most sensitive immediately upon waking. Inverseley, our cortisol (catabolic breaking-down hormone) is highest during the early morning hours. These hormones eventually eqaulize and then flip flop as the day goes on. Most likeley because we are biologically used to waking up, not eating a lot for the majority of the day, doing incredibly strenous work (hunting and killing large angry animals), and then feasting in the late evening hours. Setting up a workout and eating plan to take advantage of our biorhythyms is pretty easy:

-Immediately upon waking, our hormonal milue is in a great condition for fat loss. So, this would be a great time to do some HIIT or some LIGHT aerobic training.

-Eat lightly during the day and stick to only proteins and fats

-Since insulin is least sensitive in the evening, this would be the best time to go to the gym and smash weights. Once you get down, eat anything and everything until you sink into a deep, unwakable food coma.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Failure lately. Interestingly enough, I have been setting PRs on a daily basis. So, my final training tip:

Sad melodic grunge music about outer space helps you lift more weights.

More coming soon.

Solum Per Exitum.

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One thought on “Random Training Advice Part 1: The First Part

  1. “Kill said mammoth with spears and bear hands.”

    Killing a mammoth with bare hands would be cool….bear hands would be even cooler!

    LOL!

    Great post!

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